Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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