Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
