Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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