So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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