Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
