but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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