hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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