my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
