I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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