Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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