mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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