I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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