You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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