New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
