i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
