Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
