The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
