Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
