Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize