So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
