Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
