you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
