So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
