just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
