a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
