I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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