Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize