id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
