HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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