she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
