hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
