You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
