I will die if light touches me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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