I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
