The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
