Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
