Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
