but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
