did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
