you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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