who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
