Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
