It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize