The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
