I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
