I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize