Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize