guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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