That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
