We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hippo gnu deer
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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