I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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