Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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