someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
