i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
