I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
