And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
