member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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