i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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