Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
