i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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