Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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