I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Floor bacon is actually really good
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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