suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
