I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
