took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize