dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
