Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
