omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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