if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
