I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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