I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
