She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize