Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
